“Should I date someone who is separated?”
You meet a girl. She is gorgeous. She is friendly. She has huge boobs. She tells you she’s separated. Get away. Run away. Move very quickly to someplace where she is not. Do not give her your number. Do not get involved at all. Find another place to do karaoke as soon as possible.
If you’re looking for something new… why start with something old? If this person is married but not interested in their spouse, then chances are they are not yet over that relationship. I’m not nececelery (that’s right… celery) saying they are damaged goods. There are lots of people who marry the wrong person and need to get out of a marriage. They just need a half-hour to digest before they jump in the pool again. Once the divorce is final and the leaves have fallen a couple times it’s alright to date them. If the divorce papers have not yet been signed then it is not over. One of the two people involved is not ready or willing to move on. Getting involved with someone who is still involved with someone else is a bad idea for everyone involved.
This is a lose-lose situation. The only thing that could come out of it is the release of repressed sexual energy that this person has been holding back from their partner for months (or years). ‘…but they want to have sex,’ you say. That’s great. Sex is always fun. It will be a great 3 months but then you will get phone calls from a number you don’t recognize and see a strange black sedan everywhere you go. It’s not worth it. You are getting between two people who have agreed to spend the rest of their lives together. If one of them feels like breaking a sacred vow… that’s their decision. It is not up to you to come between these two people. Also, if this person is willing to walk away from this marriage they are 78% more likely to walk away from their next marriage. It’s a vicious cycle. Getting involved with someone who has strayed is as close as you can get to a guarantee that they will eventually get bored of you and follow their impulses with the next person they are attracted to. If “till death do you part,” means, “till I get bored of their bullshit and find someone else,” then it might be sensible to question this person’s morality.
I haven’t even gotten to the karma points you will be losing. How would you like to be the guy whose woman is getting attention from a younger guy you can’t possibly compete with? It’s fun when you’re the guy she’s flirting with… but then one day you’re the guy she’s married to and not the guy she’s flirting with! Find someone with no strings. Find someone who is emotionally and … literally… available to spend your time with. Build something new without walking amongst the ruins of a failed marriage. Leave Machu Picchu to a sucker who didn’t read this article.
- John Powers
Sometimes when you meet Mr. Right, he is perfect. Okay, not perfect, there are a few quirks he has. Usually these quirks aren’t revealed until the second or third date. A friend of mine recently went out with a guy who was fabulous. As they started talking, he let her in on one thing that stood in the way of their white picket fence. He was technically married to his first wife. However, they weren’t really married because they were “separated.” So question is, if you are in the same situation should you jump on the steed and ride with him and his baggage to his castle?
The answer is no. Separate yourself from this separated individual immediately. First off, he is not divorced so he is still technically married which technically makes you an adulteress. Second, people change their minds about getting divorced ALL THE TIME. My lawyer father has couples who are his clients from time to time that insist Camelot is over and separate therefore wanting him to do the divorce. My dad sends them to counseling and ninety eight percent of the time they change their minds. They either get back that loving feeling or discover no one else could possibly wake up next to them without wanting to strangle them.
I myself dated someone that was separated when I was younger. His wife had cheated on him with a man she worked with and had moved out of their home to be with her lover. I actually liked him quite a bit and in a lot of ways he was good boyfriend material. While he was quite a bit older we jelled on a visceral level. However, soon it started to get McDramatic. Every time I hung out with this dude his wife would call and he would step out to talk to her for some time. Despite the fact they were living apart they still spoke quite a bit. And then when she wasn’t calling he was talking about how much he hated her. Needless to say those dates were AWKWARD.
Soon enough they decided they wanted to work it out and go to counseling. Then he would call me and update me on how she acted entitled during the counseling sessions, blamed her for his infidelity, and then cried about how she still loved him. Eventually I had to distance myself. If I wanted this much intrigue I would watch The Jersey Shore. Needless to say they are still making up/breaking up and have not decided whether or not they want a divorce after all this time.
So if you care for Prince Charming, know if it is meant to be the universe will present him again when he is totally AVAILABLE to be committed to you. If not, keep moving to someone who is able to give you a healthy relationship.
Cause there is nothing like being called a home-wrecking ho or having a jealous husband try to shoot you. So unhappily ever after…..Bad end!
- April Brucker