Should I Date Multiple People?

Standup Comic John Powers NYC Dear Jp Comedian Advice Sex Column Relationship Dating Love Advisor Counsel
John Powers

That’s entirely up to you. It really depends on what you’re looking for. Are you looking to develop a serious relationship? If so, skip to paragraph 2. If you are not looking for anything serious, skip to paragraph 4.

If you’re looking for a serious relationship, the most important thing you can do is be available. Being available is not just a physical activity (example: I’m free to make plans on Saturday), it is also emotional. You need to lighten the load of any baggage you may carry, and be ready to start something with a clean slate. As you get to know someone, you want to listen actively and remember the important things they are sharing about themselves. They are giving you a window-view into their beliefs, their situation, and their history. You should be actively engaging with this person and this person alone, until you find a reason not to. If you are not enjoying this person’s company… stop seeing them. Start seeing someone else. It’s very simple that way.

Some people are simply old-fashioned. They want to be chivalrous and do not believe in dating multiple people. They don’t want to string anyone along or waste anyone’s time. They believe it shows respect for themselves and the people they are dating to only date one person at a time. My only caution is you may be missing out on something by holding yourself to such a standard. Even in the old days, woman had dance cards and men would sign up for a dance. Would you call your grandmother a slut because she danced with a dozen men in one night?

If you’re not looking for anything serious, and you just want to have fun and get out with as many people as possible, then dating multiple people is the best way to do so. You’re playing a numbers game. The more people you date the more likely you are to find someone you really enjoy being around. Maybe it’s nothing serious. That’s totally cool. Go have an adventure and make the most of your time together. You can go to a concert with someone on Friday, and rock climbing with someone else on Saturday. See who you like being around the most, and spend more time with that person.

The hardest part about dating multiple people is cultivating a special bond with any one of them. It gets confusing. Maybe you liked the Friday night person better, but maybe the Saturday activity was more fun. Maybe if you had seen Friday night person on Saturday you would’ve connected with them more.

When I used to see different women on different nights, I would struggle to remember (what I considered to be) trivial details, like how many siblings they had, or what town they lived in 10 years ago. I wasn’t being fair to them. I really didn’t care about them. I just wanted to have fun… and that’s cool, as long as there is a mutual understanding that you are both just having fun and seeing what happens.

If what you’re looking for is something real, you should start it on honest footing and give this person a chance based on their own merits, not in comparison to the hottie with the great ass from the prior weekend. If you’re looking for fun, go for it, but keep in mind you’re watering down the entire playing field. Try not to get too dirty.

– John Powers

That One Thing Women Do That Drives Men Crazy

Standup Comic John Powers NYC Dear Jp Comedian Advice Sex Column Relationship Dating Love Advisor Counsel
John Powers

There’s something that all women do that makes men crazy.
They walk out of the room while talking. 

Some of the brightest minds in the world today are working hard to pinpoint the cause of this phenomenon. Here’s what they have narrowed it down to…

They Do Not Understand Sound
wavesoundYou see, sound travels in waves. The waves come out of your mouth and move in whatever direction you are facing. Once the wave hits a wall it bounces back. If you go around a corner most of the sound will go with you. If you are speaking to someone, you will get optimal volume delivery to your target if you are in the same room and your mouth is facing their general direction.
Give it a try. You’ll be amazed at the results!

They Think You Will Follow Them
If you are talking to me, I am under no obligation to follow you in order to keep up with the conversation. If it was a dialogue I would follow you into the other room to be sure you heard my response, but your monologue requires no action on my part. Anyone who has studied the art of communicating knows that the emphasis is on the communicator to convey their message effectively to the recipient. The recipient will only follow you into the other room if they are very interested in your content, and hanging on your every word. Unfortunately for you, your Home Depot suggestion list is simply not that interesting.

They Are Multitasking
Nothing says “this conversation is not very important to me” better than multitasking. Doing something else at the same time tells me you do not care enough about the words coming out of your mouth to make them a priority to you. That makes it extra hard for me to rationalize making them a priority to me. Sometimes I’m convinced women don’t even realize they’re guilty of this one. They’re looking at their phone, reading an article about millennials in the workplace, and eating a small bag of pita chips while talking …and yet somehow we are expected to be paying close attention to all the important stuff coming out of their face. My apologies. I’m busy too. These Angry Birds are not going to fling themselves.

They Forgot They Were Talking
Sometimes a woman cannot tell if the words are in her head or being spoken, out loud, to another person. On more than one occasion my wife has held me accountable for something she thought she said, then apologized after realizing she was only thinking it. The reverse can also happen. A woman can be 10 minutes into a conversation and not hear a reply, and still assume that her man is listening. Careful with this one guys, it’s a gray area and whether you hear her or not you can and will be held responsible.

If you’re a man who is dealing with a woman who routinely does this to you, I hope this article has brought some clarity. If you’re a woman and you think your man is losing his hearing… he’s not, we just get tired of listening intently to what you are saying in the other room.

– John Powers

Scales of Justice

Standup Comic John Powers NYC Dear Jp Comedian Advice Sex Column Relationship Dating Love Advisor Counsel
John Powers
It’s all about balance.
You get what you give.
It takes two to tango.
Insert your cliché here.

Basically, a relationship needs to be equal. Each person needs to be invested and contribute to make it last. I’m not saying each person needs to put the same number of apples in the basket. I may bring a pineapple. She may bring grapes… but we both contribute evenly.

scales-of-justice-relationship-balance-man-woman-figure-weight-equal-balanced-equality-marriageThe scales of justice are a symbol of fairness. The Ancient Greek philosopher Plato was the first to discuss justice in relation to a scale. John Locke, John Stewart Mill, and John Rawls (many philosophers are named John) all associated justice with fairness. The scales of justice are a representation of the early “balance scales,” which were used to measure the weight of goods against a standard weight. When the scales are balanced, the weight is equal.

Relationships end when one person or the other feels like they are giving more than they are getting. Resentment starts to build and all-encompassing words like “always” and “never” start being thrown around. You feel like the scale is tipped in favor of your partner and you are not getting a fair return for what you are putting in.

Each of us works hard to make it as good as it can be and at times it is easier to see our own contribution than our partner’s. I take out the trash and mow the lawn, so clearly I’m doing more than you around the house. You need to remember that each of us has our own skills and ideas and your partner is putting in effort their own way. They may water the plants and do the laundry. That is no less a contribution than your own.

Try to recognize the things your partner does to contribute to the success of the relationship. Thank them and show your appreciation. It is only when partners feel equal that a relationship finds true balance.

After reading this to my wife, she thought I was suggesting a tit-for-tat relationship. Please allow me to clarify. There is nothing good about holding back and waiting for your spouse to be the one to put in effort. There is no good in only doing “x” only if your partner will finally do “y.” A relationship finds balance when both partners are not holding back and are both contributing what they are able …simply because they want to.

– John Powers

Dating Advice from a Comedian