During every relationship feelings will fluctuate. There are moments of complete bliss where everything feels right and your heart is completely content, but there are also struggles and (the most popular word in professional sports) …adversity. The best thing to do is relish the good and get through the bad.
Is sticking it out worthwhile? Maybe. What you’re talking about in economics is called “opportunity cost.” Let’s say you have $500. It’s up to you what to do with it. If you buy $500 worth of vintage pez dispensers, then you cannot afford to pay rent this month. Was it worth it? Maybe. You might really like pez. Is it more important to have a place to live? Probably. There are decisions you make in life that have an effect on other aspects of your life. Your relationship is one of them. If you decide to stay with someone even though it doesn’t seem to be working… you are missing out on something else. What you have might be better than what you don’t, but you won’t know unless you try. That’s where “buyer’s remorse” comes in. You end up taking a chance on something, but regretting your decision and thinking you would’ve been better off with the other option. Pez is great, but so is paying your rent on time.
Every relationship will have good times and bad. Think of it like your Starbucks app. You need to put money in it or it won’t work. Similarly in a relationship you need to put in effort and emotions (and money). There are times when your Starbucks app has 20 bucks on it, and you’re feeling good. You can buy lots of delicious coffee. In your relationship you are both feeling great because you are getting along and things are going well. Then one day you try to hold your phone up against that scanning thing and it just doesn’t do it. You feel hurt. Dejected. Your day is ruined. Your life is over. Everything that you ever wanted is suddenly pulled out from under you… but it’s not gone for good. Things will get better. You can add more money to the app and get another coffee. There will be moments in a relationship when you think what you have is empty. It might not be.
It might just need to be refilled.
There’s no perfect relationship. Even the most amazing person you’ve ever met has their imperfections. Most of the beautiful people that I’ve met have had problems with self-image. Most of the intelligent people I know suffer from social anxiety, and most of the fat people I know are a freakin’ mess. The trick of it is to find someone whose issues are ones you can deal with. If you are an independent person it might be difficult for you to be with someone who is clingy. If you’re an active person who enjoys exercise it would be hard to be with a couch potato (I don’t recommend dating potatoes in general). Whomever you are involved with is going to present unique challenges and bring both positive and negative feelings into your life. If the good outweighs the bad… stick it out.
– John Powers