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More Than Friendship

John Powers
John Powers
So… you and your friend want to try being more than just friends. That sounds great. What can possibly go wrong? You get all the benefits of the friendship plus sex and ice cream. You already spend lots of time with this person… now you won’t have to spend any time apart. You’ll get along just as well as you already do… and you’ll also have someone to cuddle with at night. You can still bust each others’ chops and you can get a family plan on your cell phones! This is a great idea.
There’s more to it than that.Lots of people say starting a relationship with friendship is important and I agree completely. It has plenty of merits and many people decide to marry their best friend. The benefits are obvious. This is not just someone you met at a bar. You know this person. You have history. There is already a level of trust, respect and plenty of shared experiences. They have proven themselves loyal and honest time and again. You’ve already approved this person as someone you want to be around… why not date them? It sounds like a great situation, but dating changes things. There’s no way for it to stay as light and carefree as your friendship was. At this point you will both be put to the test to see if more than a friendship is possible. Be prepared for adjustments. Suddenly you find her tampons in your bathroom and her hair all over everything. Things she used to find funny are now things that make her mad. You learn to keep your farts to yourself. She was happy to split the check when you were friends but now that you’re dating it’s on you. Oh, and remember how you knew each other so well… yeah, that means that she’ll know how to push your buttons. She knows what makes you happy but she also knows what makes you upset and how to get her way all the time. Good luck.
I’m not saying you shouldn’t date a friend. If you two think you can make it work… go for it. I’m simply trying to explain that there are challenges and adjustments that come along with any relationship. It’s no different with a friend. Many women will tell you that it’s the best thing in the world to date your best friend but I put it in the same category as dating a coworker. Is it possible? Yes. Is it tough? Yes. It’s great that you found someone who likes you, finds you attractive and wants to be with you. That’s more than half the battle… but the rest is hard work, sacrifice, and compromise. Does this friend want to develop a deep and meaningful relationship or is this a convenient next step for you both? Find out if your friend wants to be with you or if they just want to be with someone. Are you planning for the long term or is this going to be a “friends with benefits” situation? If you have hooked up casually in the past they might just see this as a way to be in a casual relationship while looking for someone else. If that’s alright with you for the time being then give it a shot. No matter what your friendship will never be the same after dating. If it works out… great… if not… who keeps mutual friends? Are you still allowed to go to your favorite karaoke bar? Can you stand to be in the same room as this person if it ends badly?Starting a relationship with anyone is hard but starting one without acknowledging the whole truth makes it harder. They save love is blind. Try not to be blind to the risks that come along with dating a friend. There’s a chance this could be the best relationship you’ve ever had… but there’s also a risk of losing a great friendship. Great sex is easier to find than great friends.

– John Powers


One thought on “More Than Friendship”

  1. NEVER date a friend. If things don’t work out, you will lose a valuable friend. I just went through this and lost a very important and close friend of mine. Once feelings have developed, if the relationship doesn’t work out it’s impossible to be friends without hurt/anger/sadness/jealousy. :(

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