Does Marriage Change Things?

John Powers
John Powers


It doesn’t change a thing for the couple. We are exactly the same as we were a week before the wedding… except much less stressed-out. It was a beautiful day and it was incredible to spend an evening with the most important people in our lives. We tried our best to stay in the moment and really take it all in. It was a night we wish could’ve lasted for a month, and the honeymoon was simply amazing. If I could do it all over again I wouldn’t change a single thing.

Then the next thing we knew we were back in our New York City apartment going to work and doing laundry again. Nothing says “Welcome back to NYC” like a couple of rats outside your apartment. I think that’s where the expression “the honeymoon is over” came from… people coming back to reality after an amazing time away from it. It was a whirlwind couple of months, but after the dust settled it was much like it had been before the big day. We still treat each other well. We still go on dates and make weekend plans. The only thing that has changed is we are each wearing an extra ring.

It’s not like we moved in together at the same time. Like many modern couples, we were already co-habitating. Moving in is probably harder than getting married. Getting used to each others living habits and ways of doing things is not an easy adjustment (that’s a blog for another time), but we already did that. We knew what we were getting into and we liked it. The biggest change came from external sources.

It’s the expectations of others that makes things different. My friend Paul asking “So, do I have to call her Mrs. Powers now?” Umm, you can if you want to. You could also call me ‘John the Incredible’. Everyone seems to think that something magical happened when we said, “I do.” Something magical did happen. Two people deeply in love decided to take their love to the next level. We were no longer fiancees, we were suddenly a married couple. That’s magic, but it doesn’t mean that we won’t go out to dinner with you anymore. It just means we won’t stay out all night getting wasted at karaoke. It doesn’t mean we won’t come to your kid’s birthday party, it just means you’re getting one envelope instead of two.

That’s about it. The rest is normal every day life as it was when we were engaged. There is a new level of commitment on paper but that commitment was already made when we decided to get serious together. A marriage is defined as a sacred bond between a man and woman to forsake all others until death. We knew our answers to those questions before they were asked of us. We wrote our own vows and they had special meaning.

I’m sure there are some people who experience changes. Many men express that after marriage there are somehow more expectations and less reward. More oral outburst and less oral sex. More issues and less resolutions. Keep in mind that just like having a baby won’t fix the problems in a relationship… neither will getting married. Those problems were probably already bubbling below the surface and a lack of communication about expectations will always lead to disappointment. It is only with the development of a mutually respectful partnership that a marriage will bring out the best in you both and help to solidify the two of you as one.

Getting married was the best thing that ever happened to me. I am still me, but I have a wonderful and supportive wife by my side to share everything with. It makes the good days better and it makes the bad days better. It makes waking up every morning worthwhile and it makes going to bed a comfort, knowing that the person next to me is going to be there when I wake up and our love will continue to develop with each day that passes.

… now back to the sex blog.

– John Powers

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