on the rebound empty bed no mate partner pillow woman in bedroom alone pajamas The Rebound Relationship Just Ended Too Quick Get Serious Cold

The Rebound: Offensive or Defensive?

John Powers
John Powers

It’s tough to be a rebound.
There are two ways to handle it… take control and choose your adventure, or let the rebounder have control and be subject to their whims. Although both options are worth exploring I believe the best way to handle a rebound is to take control.

Someone on the rebound is just getting over a relationship. Chances are they are not over it completely if they are looking for a rebound. A rebound happens shortly after a serious relationship has ended and typically has less feeling involved (although it may get serious and heavy quickly, as that is what this person has been used to in their recent relationship). Hooking up with someone who is rebounding can make you feel like this person is more into you than they actually are. There are lingering feelings that they transfer from the person they just got out of a relationship with… to you. They took a shot with this person and missed, but the ball is still up in the air and you grab it.If you know that the person you are getting involved with is just getting out of a relationship you have 2 options:
1. Acknowledge that it is a rebound and try to have fun.
2. Wait for this person to become an emotional blank slate again.

My best advice is to let the ball bounce a few times. If you’re looking for a relationship with this person you need to give them the time they need to mourn their lost relationship. Allow them time to purge these memories and become emotionally available to something new. Unless you are just looking to take advantage of her vulnerability (which is simply not right), you do not want to be the guy who she sleeps with for 3 months and then breaks up with out of the blue. Wait for her to be ready. Tell her that you are interested but that she needs time.

Giving the rebounder control is a recipe for heartbreak and a few months of chaos. This person doesn’t know what they want. They are not in their right mind to make any long-term rational decisions. They want to replace the closeness they felt in their relationship with someone else… immediately. They want a cuddle-buddy. They might seem affectionate and interested but you must realize this attention is not real. It is misappropriated from the cliff this person just walked off. It is lingering sentiment for the past.

You are putting yourself on the line and risking complete disaster. This person will hold on to anything that makes them feel as if nothing has changed since the end of their relationship. They are replacing the feelings of closeness they shared with someone else… with you. They are not emotionally available. You are giving your heart to a mirage. You are taking up the space in the bed that someone else just got out of. It’s not even cold yet. There could come a day (any day at all) when this person realizes you are not the person they had before. They may suddenly realize that they actually need time between relationships to be single and take stock of their lives and choices. They may kick you out of bed without notice.

If you are alright with that, then grab that rebound and attempt to score. If not, then choose to wait or walk away completely.
– John Powers
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