5 easy ways to get laid this weekend smooth pickup artist guy bread foster comedian talking to attractive women drinking getting drunk beer glass at bar

5 Easy Ways to Get Laid This Weekend

Comedian Bread Foster
Bread Foster

We live in the technological age; there is no limit to the amount of possibilities and temptation we face. Living for the weekend means preparing on Tinder, Match and Plenty of Fish, or looking for the perfect bar. Too bad none of those will make you legitimately desirable to the opposite sex. Getting laid is more than something everyone does, it’s a mindset, and it’s the willingness to pay $90 for a cab to Queens knowing you’re eating Ramen for the next few days because of it. Getting laid isn’t easy, but here are 5 pointers to help you this weekend.

1. Set No Expectations
Having the expectation of getting laid this weekend makes you act like an over aggressive tool. Expectations will make your dick and emotions the same, sad and disappointed. Instead, plan on going out with your friends and having a ridiculously good time. No one wants to bang the desperate person in the room that’s hit on everyone, instead, if they see a group of people having the most fun in the room they’ll gravitate towards those people and strike up conversations or dance. Having the most fun makes you the most desirable.

2. Give No Fucks
Say exactly what you’re thinking, go for the kiss, stop letting fear stop you from anything. Showing fear to the opposite sex gives douche chills up the spine, changing who you are will just lead to regret sex. Don’t tell people what you think they want to hear, tell them exactly what you’re thinking. Don’t be afraid to make the first move and go up and talk to someone. If you get denied, a little humiliation is a good thing. Don’t be afraid of rejection, use it as an excuse to drink more.

3. Be Interesting
Talking about your Call Of Duty High Score or how all you do is work and go to the gym makes everyone know you’re in a rut. Find what makes you interesting or when in doubt, read a Wikipedia page and lie. Talking to someone about their job for 45 minutes makes you want to throw vodka into your own eyeballs. No one wants to wake up next to Jake the guy who works 40 hours a week as an accountant, they will wake up next to Jake the entrepreneur or Jake the professional glass blower.

4. Dress Opposite for the Occasion
If you’re going to a crazy expensive bar where everyone is dressed in suits and cocktail dresses you’re going to blend into the crowd and have to rely on your personality to get attention. The average person isn’t smart or funny enough for that. Try going to an insanely expensive bar in a t-shirt you got years ago and a pair of stained jeans, don’t look like a hipster, but act like you’re better than everyone in there. Being non-chalant and owning that you aren’t dressed for the occasion is a means of showing confidence and faking your social status. There is nothing the opposite sex likes more than a rule breaker who stands out from the crowd. Consider it pea cocking; if the peacock was plucked and not a douchebag.

5. Be Down
Just because you and your friends planned a bar crawl doesn’t mean you can’t throw everything to the wind and try something different. The chances of bringing someone else into those plans are nil, so don’t be afraid to follow your prey to another bar. Humans have always stalked their prey, so be willing to do some tracking if you think you’re close to a kill shot.

– Bread Foster
@BreadFoster

Pro Sex Tips on FB

John Powers
John Powers

The best way to get laid this weekend is to find a woman who will allow you to put your penis into her vagina… but there’s more to it than that, and there are lots of different approaches. There are at least 100 ways to get laid this weekend, but this is a blog, so I will also list 5.

1. Make a Connection
The single best way to get lucky quick is to have an instant connection with someone. They talk about love at first sight, but lust at first sight happens much more often. You’re out somewhere and you can tell the minute you lock eyes that she wants to have sex with you tonight. Do not pass up this opportunity. It only happens once in a while but jumping on those moments will ensure a great weekend.

2. Flirt… A Lot
You will never know if someone is interested unless you make it clear you are interested in them. As much as you don’t want to be the guy hitting on every girl at the bar, you also don’t want to spend 3 hours feigning interest to find out she has a boyfriend. Get to the point and be straightforward. The guy who talks to the most women sleeps with the most women… if he has anything interesting to say.

3. Seek Open-Minded People
The girl most likely to put out this weekend is not the uptight, conservatively-dressed woman sipping a white wine at a booth with other similarly-dressed women… it’s more likely the one with the hippie dress or the one drunkenly singing every word to NIN Closer. Pick your targets carefully. The goal is short-term, so don’t bother to target a long-term project. Drunk girl is going home with somebody… why not you?

4. Have Strong Wingmen
Nothing stops an obvious hookup quicker than Jiminy Cricket girlfriends. They will impose their conscience on their friend and stop your game before the buzzer unless you have a friend or two who can set a good pick and run interference. The good wingman knows his place. He is not trying to get lucky, he simply needs to amuse the cockblocks long enough for you and her open-minded friend to get a cab back to Astoria.

5. Be Ready for Anything
Each hookup is different. You should have the appropriate means to give her what she wants when she gets to your place. Clearly you have a penis, but she may also want another drink. Have several beverages on hand. A good bartender remembers a customer’s drink. Was she a vodka girl or a craft beer drinker? Maybe she wants some herbal enhancements. You might not puff the magic dragon but you may want to have some handy for her sake.

Last but most importantly, have some protection handy, not just for her peace of mind, but for your own as well. One night of great sex is not worth years of blisters on your balls.

– John Powers

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s