We are all a bit crazy. Each of us brings a certain amount of baggage to a new relationship, regardless of how healthy we try to make ourselves. Below are a few types of insane women to watch out for. Some are easier to spot than others, but it helps to know what you are getting involved with. There are definitely those that have attributes from more than one category, and different degrees of intensity in each trait as well. Let me know in the comments if I’ve missed any.
1. The Crazy-Eye
You see her across the bar. She looks cute but something seems awry. You can tell by looking at her closely. She definitely has at least 1 cat. She looks at you as though she wouldn’t mind eating you. She gets very serious very quickly and knows no boundaries. She will move in on a whim. She will add all of your friends on Facebook and tell them that she’s your girlfriend before your 2nd date. She cocks her head like a confused dog when you tell her to take things slowly. If you break up she will stalk you and tell your new girlfriend that you are still involved with her, even if you cut her off completely.
2. The Appeaser
She wants what you want. She likes what you like. The same music, movies and tv shows. She agrees with everything you say. She has no opinions of her own. She’s very accommodating to her man, but it lacks authenticity. It’s not real. It’s hollow. She will let you get away with anything, and harbor all kinds of resentment. She will take good care of you. She will do anything you want but secretly wish she could leave you and pursue her own interests. She has yet to realize that one can be true to self and still find common interests. If you break up she will find someone else and immediately immerse herself in whatever he is into.
3. The Clinger
She’s always around. She wants to do everything with you. She will show up places you didn’t even tell her you were going. She gets lonely. She will stay the night, and for breakfast, then spend the day with you, have dinner, drinks, and then spend the next night. She needs lots of affection and constant reassurance. She jumps from one relationship to another because she cannot be alone. She will memorize all of your favorite foods and cater to your habits. She is loving and supportive but she doesn’t have many interests of her own. If you break up she will cry. A lot. Then she will look at pictures of you and call and text relentlessly.
4. The Mentalist
She is a deep thinker. She plays mind games. She says she doesn’t want anything serious but she does. She’s just toying with you. She’s into politics and foreign affairs. She watches psychological movies and tv shows. She describes herself as eclectic and well-rounded. She is very intelligent but she doesn’t know when to shut her brain off. She spends most of her time talking about gun control and recent shootings (or organic diets and GMO farming…) and wonders why guys don’t enjoy her company. If you break up she will analyze the reasons for a few weeks, then decide she was too good for you.
5. The Sadist
She’s mean. I’m not sure why. She really enjoys being on top and having control, inside and outside of the bedroom. She has lots of gadgets and accessories and will try to put them in very uncomfortable places, not unlike the back of a Volkswagen. She is aggressive and very much in touch with her anger. It seems like she does things just to hurt you. She takes pleasure in making you suffer. She will treat you like crap and make you beg for attention. If you break up with her she will cut your tires and post every pic you sexted her on your Facebook timeline.
6. The Nymph
All she wants is the sex. She’s hot as hell but completely out of control. Her sex drive does not have an “off” switch. She would like nothing more than to spend all weekend in bed. Several weeks into dating the Nymph your penis starts to get blood blisters and chafing from constant friction. Your balls are deflated raisins. You just cannot keep up. She is insatiable. She is wild and untamed. She needs lots of stimulation. If you break up she will come over once more to remind you of what you are walking away from, then post pictures on Instagram with a guy on each arm.
7. The Masochist
She has handcuffs but they’re not for you, they’re for her. She wants to be hurt, physically and emotionally. She wonders why she’s single and then tells stories about all of her exes that treated her like crap. She let them. She likes being treated badly. She picks guys who she knows will not offer her a healthy long-term relationship. Often the masochist will have tattoos displayed. She enjoys piercings and probably has several you can’t see when she’s dressed. If you break up with her she will cut herself.
8. The Flighty One
She seems busy, but she’s really just not that bright. She’s flaky. She will make plans and then not call. Do not mistake this for a lack of interest, she simply gets distracted easily and has no sense of obligation to anyone. She has lots of artsy interests and projects. She likes to explore and try new things. Her favorite dates were totally on a whim and she has no idea how she ended up where she is now. She has a hard time taking care of herself and her five year plan is a blank page. If you break up with her, she might realize it 2 weeks later and sigh wistfully.
9. The Princess
She is convinced that she is the most amazing and special little girl in the world. Every Disney movie is loosely based on her life. She wears lots of silk and lace and expects you to sweep her off her feet. She doesn’t bring money on dates. She wants a man to take care of everything and whisk her away to his castle in the mountains. Her life is fantasy, not reality. Her Dad should’ve called her pumpkin because she took the Princess thing literally. If you break up with her she will pout, ask her mirror if it’s fair, and then decide you were no Prince.
10. The Pharmacist
She’s on so many drugs that several of them are prescribed simply to counter the side effects of the others. She is often seen with too much makeup or socks that don’t match. Her idea of a great weekend is smiling and keeping her mood regulated enough to almost have a good time. She is great in bed… when she feels like it. Sometimes she’s sweet and kind, other times angry and distant, and you never know which will show up. The only thing scarier than her mood changes is catching her on a day that she skips her dose. If you break up with her she will throw things, cry, and kick you in the balls.