What Do You Want to Eat?!

John Powers
John Powers

The reason we ask what you want to eat is because we don’t care. Men are simple creatures. Men will eat peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for breakfast, lunch, and dinner every single day. We will buy a value-pack of hotdogs and eat nothing but ballpark for a month. We ask what you want because you ladies (typically) have a more discerning palette than we. While we could order General Tso’s delicious spicy chicken any day of the week, woman are more concerned with MSG and the fried factor. You’d prefer to try that healthy new gluten-free place than your local Taco Bell. What is gluten anyhow? When did they start putting that in everything? When did everyone become allergic to it? It’s all very confusing.

Men are simple creatures. Men want a burger, a beer, and a blowjob… in that order. Women are more complicated. A salad? A panini? A wrap? What do you want?!

The problem is… you don’t know what you want. We are asking what you want because you are more picky than we are. We would like to accommodate, but you need to make a suggestion. You cannot say, “I don’t know, what do you want?” The answer will always be simple. We want bacon. It’s always bacon. You need to decide where we are going tonight. Until you do, we are going to be frustrated, confused… and hungry.

My wife and I went out to dinner last night. We were headed to a place called Rodeo on 28th & 3rd. It’s usually a cool place to sit by the window and make fun of people walking by. The food is good (Tex-mex) and they give you free chips and salsa. When we got there at 7:30pm on a Friday, it was chaos. There was a crowd of drunk people at the bar and it looked like several parties were waiting for a table. My wife knows I don’t enjoy that type of scene so we left. Now we are clueless and have no destination. I’m content to go back home for a sandwich, but my wife starts getting creative. We begin meandering aimlessly around the city. She takes me to an Indian, a Peruvian, and finally a Pakistani Restaurant. I am not in the mood for experimentation and we get into a fight on the sidewalk. Why? Because men are simple and women don’t know what they want.

I am convinced she would’ve been happy at any place that we ended up. Why? Because once a decision has been made women will make the best of any situation. I on the other hand need to be prepared if trying something new. We can do the Indian restaurant, but I need to know that we are headed there in advance so I can prepare by eating a large lunch and having some Doritos at home for dessert. My first time eating Ethiopian food came with a warning and a month to prepare. I showed up and there was no food, just a bunch of people starving.

Here’s a video in which I attempt to eat a 6-pound pulled pork sandwich. I got about a quarter of the way through… and it was delicious.

– John Powers

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