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The Friend Zone

John Powers
John Powers

The “Friend Zone” is a special place that a girl puts a guy when she likes him… but doesn’t want to date him. It’s a tough place to be if you’re interested in more than just friendship. It’s great that you are close to this person you want to be with. It may seem like you two really have something. You get to spend a lot of time with her… but the romance is just not there. She will never have sex with you. You’re looked at as a big brother, not a potential lover. She tells her friends, “He’s an amazing guy and he’s so good to me.” That’s all you’re ever going to be. An amazing guy who masturbates a lot.

The only thing you can do is say something. Put your chips on the table and see how she reacts. Tell her, “Hey, I like being friends, but I think we can be more.” Be prepared for rejection. She’s gonna say no. She likes it this way. She won’t even consider it. There’s no reason to. She appreciates your friendship. Right now you’re neatly organized and you’re not a threat. Dating complicates things. If you put it out there and she is not interested, she will start thinking twice about all of your kind gestures and instead of ‘cute’ you become ‘creepy.’ All of the same things that made you a great friend turn you into a sexual deviant as soon as your true intentions are revealed.

The best way to avoid the Friend Zone is to stay out of it from the start. They say women decide in the first 5 minutes whether they would have sex with you or not. You need to put a vibe out before she classifies you in the “not” category. Once the decision has been made, you’re done for. You must accept it. Move on. Find someone else. Let a woman know you’re attracted to her… right in the beginning. Get obvious and make your intentions known. It need not be a blatant sexual remark to get your point across, but it should be perceived as flirting and not just joking around. It can be subtle, but there should be no mistaking it.

The Friend Zone will never lead to anything more. You should not expect that one day she will look at you differently. It will never happen. You need to accept that. You are either alright with being friends or not. If you are not ok with it, let her know and walk away. It is torture for you to be involved with her but not at the level you’d like to be. If she is not interested in what you want you need to reevaluate. You don’t want to be the weird guy who lingers around making her new boyfriend uncomfortable. It’s obvious you have a thing for her. If you truly want her to be happy allow her to find someone she wants to be with. I have been studying dating for a decade and have not once heard about a lingering one-way love interest suddenly being reciprocated. She thinks you’re a friend but you are secretly harboring a desire for more. That’s creepy. Get over it or leave her alone.

If you are stuck in the Friend Zone, and have come to accept that you cannot be with this girl, you can use this as leverage to get other girls. It’s a great situation. You’ve got a girl out with you who is not your girlfriend, but she would gladly vouch for what a great guy you are… and how you’ve never even tried to touch her boobs. When you meet someone new, make your intentions clear. You do not want to be friends… then use your lady friend as a reference, and make it happen.

* General disclosure: Guys can put a girl in a friend zone too… but I never have because I’m straight. If you’re the kind of guy who doesn’t want to have sex with a girl, replace the words “guy” with “girl” and “him” with “her” above.

– John Powers
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