There are several obstacles that millennials face that prior generations did not encounter. The main challenges of modern dating include technology, self-absorption, and attention span. Our phones and our amazing inability to sit and do nothing for 10 minutes are impeding us from being patient and selfless enough to connect with other people on a deep and meaningful level. Do not fret. All is not lost. There is still hope to find a connection amidst your tablets and your multiple online dating profiles.
1. Put Your Phone Down
… or don’t bring it at all. It’s fine to put it on silent and check it when you go to the bathroom, but there is absolutely nothing worse than picking up your phone during a date. This person is trying to figure out if they like you, and you are showing them that you have more important things to do. It’s like pulling out your phone on a job interview. It’s rude and inconsiderate. This person is giving you their full attention, if only for a few hours, and the least you can do is give them yours. There is no bigger turn-off than someone repeatedly checking text messages while you’re talking to them. We all have things to do but when you’re out with someone the right thing to do is give them the opportunity to relate to you without a phone in between.
2. Make Yourself Available
It’s a known fact that people do not date like they used to. When my parents’ generation were courting they would see each other every weekend and go on a traditional date of some kind… dinner… a movie… dinner and a movie. These days, that doesn’t happen as much. You are at a bar and your Tinder alerts you that there is someone close by that you might be compatible with (if merely based on clicking a check-mark on each others’ face). This person makes their way to your spot and you now have an opportunity. If you are looking for something serious you need to be emotionally and physically available for this new person. The biggest reason new relationships fail to develop is outside influence. You (or they) are still talking to an ex (or that person from the bar last weekend) and that gets in the way of being completely available (emotionally and/or physically) for this new person. Prepare yourself to let someone in. If they are a good companion you should separate from previous suitors and give this a whole-hearted shot.
3. You’re Not All That AND a Bag of Chips
I know this might sound strange, but you are actually not the center of the universe. There are just shy of 10 billion people on this planet and you are merely one of them. Act like it. There’s a certain amount of humility that is required to make a relationship work. If you think you are better, smarter, and more attractive than the person you are dating there is no way it will work out. Keep your ego in check. Other people have had just as many years on this planet as you have to amass knowledge and experience. They might actually know something that you do not. A healthy amount of confidence is necessary, but if you’re out of everyone’s league then you will end up completely alone. Give a moment’s consideration to the fact that this person might also feel like they are the center of the universe, and be open to the option of bringing your collective universii together.
4. Nothing is Perfect
A big reason many millennials stay single is because they are seeking perfection. There’s an image in your mind of an ideal partner and an expectation that your every need will be fulfilled. That is simply not the case. As much as it pains me, Jenny McCarthy is not interested in me. It just wasn’t meant to be… and that’s ok. Once you realize that realistic expectations are acceptable you can look for a mate that is …most of… the things you need. Decide what is necessary in your potential partner, as well as what your dealbreakers are. Look for someone who is good enough for you, not someone out of your league. Most of us will not end up with someone perfect in every way. Find someone perfect for you. If you’re waiting for a perfect 10 you just might end up with 0.