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Should You Stay Friends with an Ex?

Standup Comic John Powers NYC Dear Jp Comedian Advice Sex Column Relationship Column Dating Love Advisor Counsel Dating Sex Article
John Powers



No.

Shortest blog ever.

You should not stay friends with an ex.

… that’s not enough?
You want more.

Ok, fine.
Although I would generally advise against it, the possibility of having a friendship with an ex depends on your circumstance.

If the breakup was amiable, and you share mutual friends, it would be a good idea to stay polite and respectful. You don’t need to cook each other breakfast, but it might make sense to be nice if you’re going someplace with a group of people. I’m not saying you should be friends… just be nice.

Typically if a relationship ends smoothly and you’re both willing and able to continue being close to each other… there’s a very good chance you’ll end up back in bed. If that’s why you’re trying to stay friends to begin with, then go ahead. It’s important to realize that staying friends can keep old feelings lingering. An important part of moving on is re-framing and compartmentalizing the relationship for what it was. A relationship that ended. If you are trying to keep it ended, then it is in your best interest to avoid this person.

A friendship with an ex is tricky, even under the best of circumstances. Let’s say that you are able to be in the same place at the same time… it will still get awkward when your ex brings a new love interest around. You may be fine with seeing your ex and spending time with mutual friends, but it can leave lingering doubts and lead to unnecessary second-guessing and drama.

I try to be a good friend to my friends, and when they deal with breakups I try to reinforce that they should not stay friends with their ex. It may be hard, but it’s harder to keep a glimmer of hope and find out a year or two later that the easiest thing would have been to move on immediately after the breakup.

Everyone deals with a breakup differently. Some people want to stay Facebook friends, and click “like” on your status once in a while. That’s harmless enough, until the next person you date asks you why someone you were once in love with won’t stop flirting with you. It is simple and easy to cut them out. Stop all communication and prepare yourself to be fully available for a new relationship.

Staying friends can be comfortable. You cannot picture your life without this person… but it is not always in your best interest. If you spent a long time with this person you feel like you want to continue being a part of their life… but that thing you had together is no longer a thing. You need to let it go and seek the company of people who want you around.

There are only certain times that a friendship comes naturally and could actually be beneficial. If you did not date for a very long time and you were already friends, then a friendship afterwards is not only possible, but very likely. If you hooked up a few times and realized it wasn’t a good idea then a friendship is certainly possible.

Each situation is different.
Let me know if you have any questions.

– John Powers
@ComicJohnPowers
http://www.johnjpowers.com

https://www.facebook.com/DearJohnPowers

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