All posts by John Powers

John Powers grew up on Long Island, NY. He attended a small liberal arts college in the Northeast, and fell in love with the thrill of live performance art. His quick wit and twisted view of the world lend his comedy to exaggerated, abstract yet obvious truths. He has been designing graphics for TV for over 10 years. His skills in AE and Photoshop add to his creative projects. John played the lead roles in the short film Tuesday, and wrote, directed and edited Emo Joe. He can be seen on IMDB, youtube and funnyordie. http://www.johnjpowers.com

Why Do Guys Disappear?

John Powers
John Powers

Ah, the great disappearing act. It seems like anytime you find someone you are really into, they don’t stick around. That’s not unusual. Many people have experienced this. You meet a guy at a bar and have several dates… and then nothing. It seemed like everything was going well and yet he doesn’t return any of your calls, and he even deleted you off his facebook friends list. It’s as if he’s lost your number (or his phone!) Well, I can assure you… his phone is fine. There are several factors that could cause a man to pull a Houdini, and I’ll lay them out in no particular order for you…

  1. He doesn’t return your affection. For some reason the people who you are really into are just not into you. He might be the best you’ve found and everything about him makes you feel like the luckiest woman in the world. He might be everything you’ve ever wanted in a man… but are you everything he’s ever wanted in a woman? You may be an incredible person. Really special in many ways… but just not what he’s looking for. Try not to take it personally. It takes time and patience but eventually you will find someone who is a good fit for you.
  2. He is not ready for anything serious. A man needs to be emotionally available if you are going to be able to get involved with something that has substance. He may treat you right and seem to have it all together, but if the dude is carrying the weight of his last breakup, or if he is just looking to tap some tail then he might not be ready for something new. Feel him out. See how ready he might be for something more than just a fling… but beware, this takes tact. You don’t want to ask, “So… are you ready to get serious?” The more subtle you can be the better, as long as you’re able to get your info. Let him tell you how into it he is.
  3. You may have freaked him out. Many guys have a “freak out meter” that measures how much attention they can take coming at them from a person they are dating. They have a threshold and once they feel like you have gone over their limit, they are likely to disappear. I’m sure you would do the same if some guy were more into you than you would prefer. Take things slow. Even if you are totally into this guy… try not to scare him away. Men are like frightened animals in nature and if you startle them, they will run away.

It all comes down to balance. If you’re more into him than he is into you… it’s not gonna work. Likewise if he’s more into you than you are into him… it’s not gonna work. Sometimes I picture the scales of justice and attempt to visualize how much weight is on either side of the relationship. It’s fitting that you called it disappearing because the entire act of dating is similar to a tightrope act. Any miscalculation to either side could topple the whole thing over the edge. Hopefully there is a safety net.

– John Powers

@ComicJohnPowers
http://www.johnjpowers.com
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Dating a Comedian

John Powers
John Powers

There’s no reason not to try something once.
It might be everything you ever wanted, or it may disappoint you and make you wish you had never thought to try it.
… but at least you’ll know.

I’ve often heard comedians (male & female) say they will never date a comic and are surprised comics can find relationships at all. These same people have typically dated a comic in the past and it didn’t work out. Standup comedy is more than just a bit incestuous. The only dating pool I’ve seen that was smaller was when I worked at ESPN in Bristol, Connecticut. It was the only major company in town. The only options were coworkers, the karaoke host, or that cute barista at Starbucks. That’s why I moved to Manhattan.

Most comics are not stable. We work late, we party hard, and we have trouble with mundane tasks like paying rent and tying shoelaces (I’ve been wearing slip-ons since 2005). Most comics are not right in the head. We are paranoid and self-centered. We are the creative ones and that comes at a cost. We are sensitive and fragile. Dating a comic is not like dating a normal person. We require constant attention and admiration…

Dating is hard regardless of who you are and what you do, and the only thing you accomplish by limiting your options is… limiting your options. We like attention. What’s wrong with that? Listen to our latest jokes and laugh at them. Laugh harder at some and less enthusiastically at others. That’s how we will know which ones are the best. If you don’t laugh at all we will throw a tantrum and storm off to get drunk. Indulge us in our creative genius. We are tortured souls and nothing soothes us better than laughter. Most comics get addicted to the sound of audible approval. A good set can make us feel great for a week, but a bad one can put us in a bad mood for a month. Our egos need constant stroking. Lube up and stroke us. Come to our shows and be the loudest laugh in the room. You are guaranteed to get lucky.

I’ve dated comics. It’s tough. The hardest part is finding a night that neither of us is performing. Once you are alone together it’s still hard to leave the stage behind. I found that sitting on a couch with a female comic is far less relaxing than a couch should be. There was one time that a comic started bit-ing me during foreplay. Not biting… bit-ing (bít-iñg) … the process of using one’s standup comedy material during supposed normal conversation. I never saw it coming (that’s not what she said). Right in the middle of foreplay she starts breaking into her act. Nothing ruins the mood quicker than a joke about menstruation. I never called her again.

It’s also tough to read a female comedian. Most women can be subtle about what they want, but comedienne are just plain absurd. Several times I’ve been invited over a comic’s apartment “to shoot a project” only to find out that the project is… she takes off her clothes, and I film it. It was not a video meant for youtube. Click here to see the video!
There are benefits to dating a creative genius. We certainly keep things interesting. You will be entertained even when you are not seeking entertainment. There is always a new project (like this blog) to distract you from your day at the office or make you smile before you put you iphone down for the night. If you’re a thrill-seeker who likes adventure and doesn’t mind taking a risk… dating a comedian just might work for you.


– John Powers