That One Thing Women Do That Drives Men Crazy

John Powers

There’s something that all women do that makes men crazy.
They walk out of the room while talking. 

Some of the brightest minds in the world today are working hard to pinpoint the cause of this phenomenon. Here’s what they have narrowed it down to…

They Do Not Understand Sound
You see, sound travels in waves. The waves come out of your mouth and move in whatever direction you are facing. Once the wave hits a wall it bounces back. If you go around a corner most of the sound will go with you. If you are speaking to someone, you will get optimal volume delivery to your target if you are in the same room and your mouth is facing their general direction.
Give it a try. You’ll be amazed at the results!

They Think You Will Follow Them
If you are talking to me, I am under no obligation to follow you in order to keep up with the conversation. If it was a dialogue I would follow you into the other room to be sure you heard my response, but your monologue requires no action on my part. Anyone who has studied the art of communicating knows that the emphasis is on the communicator to convey their message effectively to the recipient. The recipient will only follow you into the other room if they are very interested in your content, and hanging on your every word. Unfortunately for you, your Home Depot suggestion list is simply not that interesting.

They Are Multitasking
Nothing says “this conversation is not very important to me” better than multitasking. Doing something else at the same time tells me you do not care enough about the words coming out of your mouth to make them a priority to you. That makes it extra hard for me to rationalize making them a priority to me. Sometimes I’m convinced women don’t even realize they’re guilty of this one. They’re looking at their phone, reading an article about millennials in the workplace, and eating a small bag of pita chips while talking …and yet somehow we are expected to be paying close attention to all the important stuff coming out of their face. My apologies. I’m busy too. These Angry Birds are not going to fling themselves.

They Forgot They Were Talking
Sometimes a woman cannot tell if the words are in her head or being spoken, out loud, to another person. On more than one occasion my wife has held me accountable for something she thought she said, then apologized after realizing she was only thinking it. The reverse can also happen. A woman can be 10 minutes into a conversation and not hear a reply, and still assume that her man is listening. Careful with this one guys, it’s a gray area and whether you hear her or not you can and will be held responsible.

If you’re a man who is dealing with a woman who routinely does this to you, I hope this article has brought some clarity. If you’re a woman and you think your man is losing his hearing… he’s not, we just get tired of listening intently to what you are saying in the other room.

– John Powers
@ComicJohnPowers

The Peter Pan Man

John Powers

A friend of mine recently broke up with his girlfriend. She’s been his girlfriend for years but that is all. I’m sure there was a good reason. There’s always a good reason.

…but it led me to reflection. Looking at the boys in the hood, the guys who were teens and 20s the same time I was, I start to get very sad. A majority of them are not married yet. I’d put a guess at 75% unwed. Some of them are dating, but some have all but given up on finding someone.

I’m not sad because my friends are not married. I’m sad because my generation is not doing it right. When I look for something to do on the weekend, in my 30s, in my quiet part of town… I am no longer looking to get shit-faced. I am no longer interested in doing things that could get me arrested. 30-something John wants to have 1 or 2 beers, cook something on the grill, and watch people I love splash around in the pool.

I hear the same stories over and over. The entitled millennial men are looking for Barbie. Not just the beauty beyond belief, they are also looking for the girl with the dream house and the convertible and whatever career her outfit comes with. Their Moms did too much for them and made them feel a bit too special. They think that by being alive, they are entitled to a gorgeous woman who will take care of them in every way as long as they don’t beat her or sleep with anyone else.

Guess what guys… those rules no longer apply. A generation or two ago a man could get by with little to no effort. We are not so lucky. This generation of men is required to chip in. Our women read a lot of articles and have a lot of expectations. You should know how to do your own laundry and how to cook.

We are the product of the divorce boom. We saw our parents split up and we noticed how much happier Mom was after 3 glasses of wine. We saw how Dad’s second wife whipped him into shape better than Mom ever did. We saw our friends’ and cousins’ parents split.

…and realized we don’t have to sacrifice. We don’t need to take no shit. Nothing lasts forever, most marriages fail, and if I can’t be totally head over heels every day, then fuck it.

We are the “fuck it” generation. If something is hard it’s not worth doing. If a relationship becomes work we reactivate our Match.com profile. We are not willing to sacrifice or compromise or put someone else’s needs before our own.

I call guys like this the “Peter Pan Man.” They never want to grow up. They want to pretend they are still young, and have fun, and run when a relationship starts to get serious. Their “Mental Age” is not the same as their actual age. They want to be free and play games and stay a kid forever… but that’s just not how it works. If you don’t grow and mature, everything around you does and leaves you in the same place wondering where everyone went.

That, my friends, is why my friends are still dating in their mid- to late-30s. Not because they haven’t met anyone good enough for them, but because they have not been good enough for anyone else. I’m hoping a few of them grow up. I’m getting tired of having strange women in my pool.

– John Powers
@ComicJohnPowers

When to Make it Facebook Official

John Powers

This question comes up time and time again… When should you change your relationship status on Facebook?

We all know how important it is to show our family and friends on the interwebs what’s happening in our lives. Any time we change our relationship status on Facebook it is bound to get interest, especially the “it’s complicated” one! When I announced that “John Powers is in a relationship” the first thing my friends asked was “what’s his name?”

Here’s my guide to when you should make it Facebook official…

1. The Soft Launch
The first step toward announcing your new relationship is dipping a toe in the water by getting rid of the “single” label. This move often goes unnoticed but it feels good when you do it. You’re being coy with your friends and leaving some mystery out there for anyone who checks your page once a month to see if you’re still single. You’re not telling people you’re off the market, but you are telling them you’re not on the market. This step typically coincides with “hiding” your OkCupid profile. It’s still there but it’s no longer going to come up in search results.

2. Stop Leading People On
The biggest hazard of going from “single” to “in a relationship” is the unfinished business aspect of Facebook. There may be one or two people surprised (and/or upset) with this new status, and you should give yourself time to alert these possible risk factors that a change may be coming. That girl from karaoke or that guy from the ping pong place may be just burned enough to leave a shitty reply to your new relationship. You appreciate their friendship and would like to see how their life turns out, but you don’t need them running interference on your new gig. Shoot them a text or a Facebook message and let them know you’re seeing someone. It’s not a necessity but it’s a courtesy that could spare you the need to quickly delete a reply (or block them altogether!)

3. In a Relationship
The next landmark is changing your status to “In a Relationship.” This one is serious. People are going to see this and you should be certain this is going to last a few months before hitting “ok.” Those of you who are serial-daters (maybe you wait a week between new relationships), may want to hold off a bit longer on changing your status. Give it 6 months before making it Facebook official. As good as it feels, it will feel just as bad if you change it back to single in two weeks. Your friends’ laughter would be so loud you could hear it through Firefox.

4. In a Relationship With…
This is the real deal. No joke, this is something you should discuss with your person before changing your status. There’s nothing more uncomfortable than dating someone for a few months, changing your status, and then getting notified that they rejected the tag. I’d suggest a general 2-3 month wait before discussing this topic. You should be at the “planning trips together” stage before doing the tag. Suddenly everyone you know sees the person you are dating. Exes are judging and cousins are looking forward to meeting them. Make sure you both have solid profile pictures at this point. Nothing looks worse than a new relationship between a girl on a flowery meadow and a guy outside of Fenway in a Sox cap giving the finger to Yankees fans… clearly she can do better. The best plan is to coordinate your cover photos so together they complete a larger picture, much like together you two will create a bigger picture for yourselves.

– John Powers
@ComicJohnPowers