How Do You Mend a Broken Heart?

Duncan Jay

There’s a saying that goes…”The best way to get over someone, is to get under someone else”

Now while that is a quick fix for a bigger issue, it does have its merit. The reality is that sleeping with someone else will not mend a broken heart so much as it will help your ego and get you back in the game.

The only way to mend a broken heart is to come to terms with why it ended. And in my experience that takes time. How long you ask. Well, that depends on the relationship. And how long/intense it was. Another piece of advice I have picked up along the way is that it takes approximately half the length of the relationship to get over said relationship. So if your relationship was 2yrs…it will take approximately 1yr to get over it.

But that’s just advice. It really depends on the individual. When I was in my early 20’s I had a huge break-up with a girl I thought I was gonna marry. And she did it over AOL Instant Messenger. Now at that point, I subscribed to the “get under” method of getting over. I mean I banged everything I could…which really wasn’t very much. But I tried every night! Alas as I approached my mid-20’s I found that to be less and less fulfilling… one night stands, threesomes, and an orgy didn’t make me feel complete. Quite the contrary, I felt alone. Then I found someone else…another woman I almost married. Long story short, I didn’t subscribe to the same method, I focused on my career and drugs! Cause you know, drugs make EVERYTHING better. But as of late I have come to terms with the break ups in my life by simply accepting. Accepting that I can not change the things I have done, I can do my best NOT to repeat them. Well I mean at least until I find someone with a Flux Capacitor.

So in closing here it is… YOU! You are the only one that can mend your broken heart. That is to say it’s all about how you choose to feel. If you got jilted by a partner, if you feel “oh, poor me,” then that’s your choice. However you can choose to dust yourself off and realize that it was their loss and they are not going to be along for the excitement that is your life. Now I excuse me, I just became single and need to go get under something… and by something I mean I have a DVD taping I need to prepare for!

– Duncan Jay
Stand Up Comedian
@FunDuncan
http://www.funduncan.com
http://www.facebook.com/FunDuncanFan/

John Powers

Getting over someone is always tough. I’m going to take the logical approach. There’s a reason it was not meant to be. If it were meant to be… you’d still be together, or you will eventually get back together at some point in the future. The best thing you can do in the present is move on. I know that’s not what you want to hear and there’s more to it than that… but it’s the truth. Keep yourself intact. Breathe and keep walking.

Every time I have moved on from someone it has hurt. There are always thoughts about what could have been… but wasn’t. The point I always come back to is that this person just was not for me. There was something about who she was that did not integrate with who I am. That’s a good thing. Now I know. It would be terrible to attempt to fit a round penis into a square vagina for the rest of my life. Now I don’t have to. Now I can find someone who I get along with better. Someone who treats me better. Someone who is better suited for me. Someone who is a better fit.

Each time we are faced with a decision we have a choice. It is never a bad idea to consider what went wrong in your relationship, but only if it’s constructive. Try not to dwell on hypothetical situations. Reflecting too long on actions and their consequences is a waste of time. “What could have been” doesn’t matter. It wasn’t. It won’t be. You cannot change a decision that has already been made, only how you may react if a similar situation were to present itself in the future.

Being closely involved in another person’s life is time consuming. Being single again gives you plenty of time to focus on yourself. Do all the things you couldn’t do when you were in a relationship. Get back into a hobby that you always enjoyed. Spend time with close friends that will tell you what a good guy you are (and what a jerk she was for not realizing it). Count all the money you’re saving without having to pay for her. The worst thing you can do is sit around feeling sorry for yourself. Immerse yourself in things that make you happy.

Every relationship has its plans. We are going to go on vacation together this fall. We are going to spend the holidays together. We are going to buy a house (a car, a stereo or a cat) together. We are going to share a phone plan and merge our lives together. None of that is going to happen. Accept that you are no longer with this person and adjust your plans accordingly.

Losing a partner does not mean you have lost yourself. You are still a whole person and you have a lot to offer the world. Get off the couch, put on some pants, and step out into the sunshine. You’ll feel better eventually. Until then be selfish. Focus on yourself and continue to be the best you possible.

– John Powers

@ComicJohnPowers
http://www.johnjpowers.com
facebook.com/ComicJohnPowers

Is Interracial Dating Ok?

Maura Stone

My boyfriend was a tall, dark and handsome man. Let me amend that: really dark. Let me amend that again: like African-American. My mother freaked. “Do you have any idea how difficult your life will be?” Mom knew firsthand racism and prejudice due to her chocolate skin, black hair and eyes. That didn’t stop me. Larry was my dream come true: worldly, sophisticated, intelligent and gorgeous. I was smitten! Everything was about Larry.

Black and white couples in 1977 even in chic Manhattan were rare. People stared at us. Unaware the true reason, I preened because we were adorable: young, good-looking, happy and polar opposites in skin color. Through Larry, I realized my embedded racism after I called Famous Amos cookies, a hit at the time, Amos & Andy cookies. He fell off the bed shouting, “WHAT THE HELL? THAT’S RACIST!”

Still, in this relationship I had the upper hand with two strikes against me, white and Jewish, as opposed to his one. Several days later, he entered his bedroom where I holed up, studying. “My friends’re coming over. Wanted to let you know we speak different while together.” He meant without any white people around. Instead of studying, I eavesdropped. After his friends left, I said, “What’re you talking about? You guys speak exactly the same as among your white friends.”

He muttered, “They knew you’re here.”
“If they did, they wouldn’t have had the conversations they had.”

To the relief of both sets of parents we broke up soon after. Over the decades, we kept in touch. He recently said, “I should’ve married you then.” We never would’ve lasted. It wasn’t race or religion; it was our personalities. As he said, “Frivolous is too mild a word.”

– Maura Stone
Author, The Complete E-Dating Comedy Series
http://www.maurastone.com
http://www.kiss-keepitsimpleschmuck.blogspot.com

John Powers

It’s fine with me. Go ahead.
There. Shortest advice column ever.

The hard part about dating is finding someone that you get along with and who makes you feel good about yourself and your relationship (whether serious or temporary). Race should not stop you from exploring a possibility with someone you are interested in. Get over it. As the Red Hot Chili Peppers once suggested, “…mix it up until there are no pedigrees.”

Look at my picture. I’m a tall and handsome man… but I’m a bit on the brown side of the spectrum. Most of the time I get approached by people asking if I’m Egyptian, Persian, Greek, Hispanic or sometimes they guess right. I’m ethnically ambiguous and I’m fine with it. People can’t tell where my blood came from and it makes me smile. I’ll admit I’m lucky to have never experienced any racism on the dating front. Women probably think I’m well-tanned. Perhaps it’s my charisma and strikingly good looks, or maybe women can smell my pheromones from 5 city blocks away… but I’ve never been turned down (as far as I know) based on my skin.

In fact… it has probably opened doors (figuratively and literally). I’ve dated women of every color, shade, and hue (except green… green women are disgusting). It’s the ’90s and it’s important to have an open mind and judge people based on how they present themselves and how they speak rather than where they land on the brightness level in photoshop.

People say there is more to interracial dating than skin tone. There are cultural differences that come with dating outside of your own race that you may or may not like. Many of us find it amusing to sit in a setting that is unlike anything we are used to. Going to a friend’s house who is very Italian is different from having dinner with an Irish family. In my family it’s all about the punchline. Wit and intellect rule. Whomever creates the most laughter… wins. There’s no prize. It just feels good. Sometimes we get loud or low-brow. Someone who is from a quiet, reserved family background might feel strange and/or uncomfortable there.

… but it doesn’t matter what other people think. They are not dating this person. They are not sleeping with this person. They are not learning and growing with this person. The only thing that matters is how you feel. If you’re attracted to someone and they treat you right, then I say go for it. Find someone who makes you feel good about who you are and make the most of it.

– John Powers
@ComicJohnPowers
http://www.johnjpowers.com
https://www.facebook.com/DearJohnPowers

 

Is Interracial Dating Ok?

Maura Stone

My boyfriend was a tall, dark and handsome man. Let me amend that: really dark. Let me amend that again: like African-American. My mother freaked. “Do you have any idea how difficult your life will be?” Mom knew firsthand racism and prejudice due to her chocolate skin, black hair and eyes. That didn’t stop me. Larry was my dream come true: worldly, sophisticated, intelligent and gorgeous. I was smitten! Everything was about Larry.

Black and white couples in 1977 even in chic Manhattan were rare. People stared at us. Unaware the true reason, I preened because we were adorable: young, good-looking, happy and polar opposites in skin color. Through Larry, I realized my embedded racism after I called Famous Amos cookies, a hit at the time, Amos & Andy cookies. He fell off the bed shouting, “WHAT THE HELL? THAT’S RACIST!”

Still, in this relationship I had the upper hand with two strikes against me, white and Jewish, as opposed to his one. Several days later, he entered his bedroom where I holed up, studying. “My friends’re coming over. Wanted to let you know we speak different while together.” He meant without any white people around. Instead of studying, I eavesdropped. After his friends left, I said, “What’re you talking about? You guys speak exactly the same as among your white friends.”

He muttered, “They knew you’re here.”
“If they did, they wouldn’t have had the conversations they had.”

To the relief of both sets of parents we broke up soon after. Over the decades, we kept in touch. He recently said, “I should’ve married you then.” We never would’ve lasted. It wasn’t race or religion; it was our personalities. As he said, “Frivolous is too mild a word.”

– Maura Stone
Author, The Complete E-Dating Comedy Series
http://www.maurastone.com
http://www.kiss-keepitsimpleschmuck.blogspot.com

John Powers

It’s fine with me. Go ahead.
There. Shortest advice column ever.

The hard part about dating is finding someone that you get along with and who makes you feel good about yourself and your relationship (whether serious or temporary). Race should not stop you from exploring a possibility with someone you are interested in. Get over it. As the Red Hot Chili Peppers once suggested, “…mix it up until there are no pedigrees.”

Look at my picture. I’m a tall and handsome man… but I’m a bit on the brown side of the spectrum. Most of the time I get approached by people asking if I’m Egyptian, Persian, Greek, Hispanic or sometimes they guess right. I’m ethnically ambiguous and I’m fine with it. People can’t tell where my blood came from and it makes me smile. I’ll admit I’m lucky to have never experienced any racism on the dating front. Women probably think I’m well-tanned. Perhaps it’s my charisma and strikingly good looks, or maybe women can smell my pheromones from 5 city blocks away… but I’ve never been turned down (as far as I know) based on my skin.

In fact… it has probably opened doors (figuratively and literally). I’ve dated women of every color, shade, and hue (except green… green women are disgusting). It’s the ’90s and it’s important to have an open mind and judge people based on how they present themselves and how they speak rather than where they land on the brightness level in photoshop.

People say there is more to interracial dating than skin tone. There are cultural differences that come with dating outside of your own race that you may or may not like. Many of us find it amusing to sit in a setting that is unlike anything we are used to. Going to a friend’s house who is very Italian is different from having dinner with an Irish family. In my family it’s all about the punchline. Wit and intellect rule. Whomever creates the most laughter… wins. There’s no prize. It just feels good. Sometimes we get loud or low-brow. Someone who is from a quiet, reserved family background might feel strange and/or uncomfortable there.

… but it doesn’t matter what other people think. They are not dating this person. They are not sleeping with this person. They are not learning and growing with this person. The only thing that matters is how you feel. If you’re attracted to someone and they treat you right then I say go for it. Find someone who makes you feel good about who you are and make the most of it.

– John Powers

@ComicJohnPowers
http://www.johnjpowers.com
facebook.com/ComicJohnPowers